Ever since the first sale of CS:GO, I started having issues and hate against smurfers (People of higher skill ranks uses new accounts to get to a lower skill ranks for self entertainments).
Ever since then, out of 10 games of competitive, I would have 9 games with smurfers, either playing on the opposite team, or along side with me.
And in occasion,
1) MM starts without having a full party connected (technically people left or cant even reconnect back to game during warmup and system counted as he joined),
2) Some random players abandoned game when the game starts (around 1st or 5th round for no bloody reason),
3) Players speaking in foreign language (other than general/basic English) and get teased when pleading them to communicate in English coz Teamwork is important,
4) Teamkill if certain requirement does not met (ex: Drop Awp )
^ Above mostly happened to me when I don't have a full team party or solo queue
Every now and then, this hatred inside me keeps building up, which is making me felt sick of humanity, including my own existence.
I always wanted to learn more about the world of arts, because I always came up with stories or ideas about something, but I just can't portrayed it out..
When I was a toddler, I always enjoyed colouring / painting or drawing, I even attended extra art lessons, but everything stopped since I know how corrupted the world and society is around the age of 13~14..
I basically lost interest in life, but not until I found out MLP:FIM, which kept me going on..
Although this interest caused small bully cases and teasing, I still hold tight to this interest.
I even got a girlfriend with this interest but broke up due to own stupidity.
And now, I got into engineering courses which I don't really enjoy but still can cop with, having a roommate which doesn't really felt considerate, especially when using bathroom and sharing net (downloading whatever shit which I don't know) really pissed me off especially when I am gaming. (lag spikes issues)
Now, I only draw when I am down (fav.me/d6is1iz)
, which happened once when I broke up with my girlfriend, and that piece of sketch reflects my mood but still not satisfied with it // motivated (fav.me/d7k1mjx)
which in rare occasion I came up with without huge reference (ex: style)
Around this time, I am really not motivated to study for my upcoming examinations which will take place around 1 & 1/2 weeks from now, just hoping to find someone to chill out at lan gaming which I enjoyed a lot..
(c) Life Part 2
Now, I am sooooo hooked on to gaming which I can barely stop myself from continuing playing video games because it fills up the loneliness in me. I really, really enjoyed going out, f**king around with my friends, which only happened when I was 12 with a bunch of mates. And now, they either moved on with their life, or separated to far away countries, and I only had chance to f**k around with internet friends in games (mostly friends from Steam).
I don't even know the reason why I am writing this down...
Maybe just seeking attention to those who truly reading this entire journal or watching me.
Sorry for wasting your time reading and trying to figure out what I meant coz of my Shitty English skills.